Wow. Another wedding dress post. You guys must be ecstatic. You probably woke up today and hurried over to your computers to check this blog. “I hope she’s written another post about dresses!!!!”

Well, who am I to let you down? Here it is, in list form. Because Becca from A Los Angeles Love wisely advised me to make a list of real wedding dress criteria. You know, to get my thoughts down, to figure out what’s most important and all.

So here goes.

  1. I am looking for something just near ground-length or shorter (perhaps tea length). We are having an outdoor ceremony and reception, in a courtyard where the ground is covered in deconstructed concrete. I had never heard of such a thing before I encountered it at our venue. It looks a lot like tan dirt, except it’s not dirt; it’s kinda powdery, but not dusty. Are you even following this? I’m not, really. The beau, on the other hand, apparently knows so much about it that he’s taken to referring to it via acronym. “I just don’t want a big long train dragging all over the ground,” I’ll suddenly announce, completely apropos of nothing, like I have some kind of wedding Tourette’s. “Well yeah, because the ground is D.C.,” the beau will say, casually, like the supreme gangsta of deconstructed concrete slang. “Because huh?” I always say, blinking. I’m slow on the take sometimes, you see.

    The deconstructed concrete in question.

  2. More than the fact that I don’t want fabric dragging all over the ground, a formal dress with a train just doesn’t suit the feel of our venue, nor does it suit me. I’m kinda funky, in a way.* I like offbeat things. That A Los Angeles Love post I linked to up there, by the way? That post contains the pictures of the first (and only) dress I’ve ever actually kind of liked. I particularly love the bottom of it — go see if you haven’t yet clicked through. But that was the first time I ever thought, wow, so dresses can be kind of cool, huh? It’s flowy without being prissy, bohemian without being hippy, gorgeous without being ostentatious. And Becca looks amazing in it. Sorry to keep calling you out here, Becca.
  3. I want to be able to bust a move in this dress. No corsets or boning or lacing up. I want to bend and twist and shout without feeling like A) I am about to rip some seams out or B) I am about to pass out due to breathing restrictions.
  4. No strapless. No beads, or sequins. No shiny fabric. No poofyness. A little lace might be OK, if gingerly applied. No bows need apply. I am getting married, not getting dressed for my first day of grade school. A V-neck is preferable to a scoop neck or high neck, because it just looks better on me that way (shows off what minimal assets I have, as it were).
  5. When I first started imagining what I might wear, wayyyyy back in June or July, the colors that came to mind were sunflower yellow or cornflower blue. But all the dresses I’ve seen since are white or ivory. So I’ve begun thinking, what if I’m missing out on something by not wearing an ivory dress? I know, I know. I get the message that it’s OK to go your own way, but sometimes I worry. I am, after all, a human with a sometimes overwhelming urge to be one with the rest of the pack. Especially when I don’t know just what the hell it is that I’m doing — like looking for dresses — which is when I turn to others for cues on how to act.** Anyway, I may end up deciding that an unusual color is right for me, but I want to see what the ivory dresses look like on me first. Who knows, maybe ivory is my way after all.
  6. Budget. The dress should come in below $1,000. Well below $1,000, actually, I’m hoping. And I’m thinking that if I don’t find a nice sample dress off the rack, I might just have a dress made. Maybe! Who knows?? It’s a zany world out there, after all.

Well, there it is. Have a good dress-free weekend, ya’ll.

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* But not in the smelly way.

** This would explain the phenomenon of the wedding blog community, in a nutshell.