Category Archives: marriage equality

i’m ready

So Ted Olson’s (surprising, yes) legal crusade for gay marriage is way old news, but while at the gym yesterday I came across an article he wrote that was published in January 18th issue of Newsweek. His definition of marriage leapt off the page and throttled my eyeballs:

“Marriage is one of the basic building blocks of our neighborhoods and our nation. At its best, it is a stable bond between two individuals who work to create a loving household and a social and economic partnership. We encourage couples to marry because the commitments they make to one another provide benefits not only to themselves but also to their families and communities. Marriage requires thinking beyond one’s own needs. It transforms two individuals into a union based on shared aspirations, and in doing so establishes a formal investment in the well-being of society.”

Ah, so that’s what the beau and I are getting married for. And here I thought we were just doing it for the KitchenAid stand mixer.

Lame jokes aside… There were a few bits in this article that made me want to stand up and holler.

“At the end of the Civil War, to make the elusive promise of equality a reality, the 14th Amendment to the Constitution added the command that “no State … shall deprive any person of life, liberty or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person … the equal protection of the laws.

Subsequent laws and court decisions have made clear that equality under the law extends to persons of all races, religions, and places of origin. What better way to make this national aspiration complete than to apply the same protection to men and women who differ from others only on the basis of their sexual orientation? I cannot think of a single reason – and have not heard one since I undertook this venture – for continued discrimination against decent, hardworking members of our society on that basis.”


“ … while our Constitution guarantees the freedom to exercise our individual religious convictions, it equally prohibits us from forcing our beliefs on others. I do not believe that our society can ever live up to the promise of equality, ad the fundamental rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, until we stop invidious discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.”

Hell. Fuckin’. Yeah. Let’s DO this thing.

on perspective

You know what gets me down? The fact that the beau and I have this luxurious year to plan our wedding. The fact that we can casually mention we’re having a wedding, and no one looks at us askance. The fact that our broader culture encourages, and pretty much expects, us to take this step. The fact that this part of our journey together is seen by others as a natural progression; just a pit stop on the road of life.

The fact that, for so many other couples, it is not.

Meg from A Practical Wedding wrote of how she and her now-husband considered ways to incorporate their support of marriage equality into their own wedding. I’ve never been particularly vocal or publicly active about gay marriage rights, but over the past few months that post has hummed quietly at the back of my mind. And as the heartbreaks continue to stack up, it’s become more and more clear how important marriage equality is to our society, and how important it is to me.

So. I want the beau and I to do something to recognize our friends and family who don’t have it nearly as easy as we do. The problem is how. The beau and I are unfortunately* not Jewish, so Meg’s ideas that involve Jewish traditions won’t work for us. And I really love the concept of including a statement in the ceremony program, but I don’t think we’re going to have a program.

I thought briefly about making a small speech at the reception, but that feels a bit like preaching, and it’s not like the vast majority of our guests will need much convincing on the subject, anyway. Incorporating our support of marriage equality into the ceremony feels more organic, and more powerful — it could perhaps be as simple as having the officiant offer a prayer or a few moments of silence in recognition of marriage rights for everyone. Then again, that alone seems a bit understated. Perhaps we could also place cards at each seat with a quote and a few words?

I’m not sure what we should do yet. But I do know that it feels completely ridiculous to fret about what kind of save-the-dates to send out for the wedding when there are people out there who cannot have a wedding. That’s a mind-bender and a soul-searcher, right there.

How would you show your support of marriage equality?


* There’s a long-running joke between us that I wish he was, but that’s another post for another time