You know that ridiculously starry-eyed, all-consuming, fleet-footed, fiery-passioned storybook romance into which people in movies and on TV are always falling? The internet and I have long had that kind of relationship. Which is why being on honeymoon for the past nine days has felt so very much like a cruel estrangement. You know what the saddest thing is? I barely even missed it. The internet, that is. I KNOW. I’m not sure what this spells for our future together, but I’m willing to try to make it work between us again. Honest.
Meanwhile, as I’ve turned my attention to my new husband* and our concentrated efforts to consume all of the food and booze in the entire province of British Columbia, new blog posts have flooded my Google Reader and countless emails and messages have stacked up in my email inbox. Apparently life — and the internet — staggered on without me.** I’m truly humbled by and grateful for the kind words many of you wrote to me before and after my wedding. I promise to catch up on responding to you guys in the coming days. Cross my heart and hope to die.
So. Here I am on the last day of our honeymoon. I am typing this from the very large deck of a very large suite, to which the hotel staff upgraded us for free due to construction noise near our old room. There is a Canadian flag flapping from a pole behind me. I am wearing a bikini. We are drinking Alberta Springs rye whisky and ginger ale. Being on honeymoon is clearly horrible, right?And yet I can still feel my stomach clench at the prospect of leaving on a jet plane tomorrow. For tomorrow I will officially resurface back in the Real World, and I am not talking that old MTV reality show. I am talking my old life, which is all kinds of blah and work and housecleaning and meh. But at least I still have you guys, right? And the internet. Oh, I love you internet. How I’ve missed you so.
Be back later with more. I’m not done talking about the wedding yet, folks. Much to your chagrin, I know.***
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* Gah. Part of me still wants to throw up a little in my mouth when I say or write that. Sorry, getting married hasn’t changed me. I am still an unsentimental jerk.
** And yet MY HEART WILL SOMEHOW GO ON, and now I TOTALLY HATE MYSELF FOR PUTTING THAT SONG IN MY HEAD. And now you do, too.
*** Why do even you keep reading? Do you LIKE torturing yourself?
The Real World does suck. It hits you like a stone wall after the wedding and the honeymoon food-fest. But it’ll be great, you’ll get to do normal things again, like talk about non-wedding related things and not give a crap about what face cream you use or how best to express yourself through vows without being cheesy. Seriously, it’s good (after you get over the honeymoon being over).
And yay for being an unsentimental jerk!
Seriously. I think I age 10 years every time I use the word “husband” and I’m not quite a young chicken already. How do we unsentimental jerks ever manage to get married?
me and internet missed you! ha ha. it is definitely weird being without internet access for a full vacation (i checked facebook on my husband’s iphone because i was waiting for people to post pictures) so i cannot say i went totally without during our trip
Looking forward to hearing more. I hope your transition back to day-to-day life goes well and that you guys bask in that newlywed bliss that makes even the normal things more fun. 🙂
Savor your remaining time. Looking forward to your return though so I can hear all about the wedding!
Oh I am so glad you are back.
I was so fearful you would never return… and I’m 9 days out from my wedding and through all the panic I’ve just wanted to read this blog and hear you say that something things might not go right, but it will all be ok. And you did.
And its ok that I haven’t been doing push ups and only used 4 white strips and forget to floss sometimes.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you
Lady, it’s been two years and I still have a hell of a time saying “husband.” Although, it does get you instant respect from older folks for some reason.
Hopefully you can ease back into the real world without too much pain…or just stay in BC forever, but then I will miss you.
PS: I HATE YOU FOR GETTING THAT DAMN SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD!!!
PPS: But I love you, cuz you’re cool as shit.
I am still waiting patiently for the details on the honeymoon trip because, you know, we’re taking the same trip next year.
Also, have missed your wacky footnotes.