As we trudge ever onward towards our wedding day, you may notice more action-item type posts from me. That is because we are truly in the “working on shit” part of the planning. There is no room anymore for postulating, or ruminating, or analyzing. There is just terror, deep-seated terror.
Sometimes I feel like I’m back in college, and it’s 2:00 am and I have a paper due at 8:00am. This was the point that I pretty much started bullshitting. Primary thesis not quite making sense? No matter, just throw some more words on the paper. Words, we need more words! Leave that sentence half-finished for now! JUST KEEP GOING.
And so the beau and I frantically flit from one task to another. Go grocery shopping, check out some park venues for the welcome picnic! Balance my checking account, work on the music playlists! Finish a project at work, dash off an email to my brigadier about the bachelorette party! Get into bed, discuss the menu options for dinner!
Yet despite this flurry of action, it feels like we’re just spinning our wheels. No matter how much we plug away, the ol’ to-do list remains mountains high and miles long, and the days keep clicking by. I have a deep-seated fear that I will wake up tomorrow and it will suddenly be our wedding day, and none of the things on this list will actually be done. I mean, we’re already behind on our invitations. Guess which week they were supposed to go out?* Guess who hasn’t actually even begun to design them yet?**
You know, time and again I’ve heard wiser people say, oh, in the end, you’ll just throw out those unfinished tasks! They won’t matter anymore after the wedding, trust us! And I’m like, OK, that’s cool, but what if, like, the ceremony is unfinished? Because it totally is, in the sense that we haven’t even thought about it yet. And don’t you need that? Don’t we need music? Don’t we need to settle on a final menu so there will be food? Don’t we need to finalize all the rentals so that people will have chairs on which to sit? Don’t we need to buy the booze? Don’t we need… clothes? Yes, yes we do. We need to do all of that and more. So much more.
I hear the rising chorus of voices already: “But dude! You totally have time! You have a shitload of time! It will all get done!” Well, all right then. But seriously, how did you guys do it? Did a unicorn come along one day and POOF, finish up your to-do items in one magical, glittery cloudburst of cupcakes? Because honestly, that’s kind of what I’m assuming happens at this point. Outside of quitting my job and devoting the next two months to Teh Weddingz, I’m just not seeing how to bridge that gap.
Nevertheless! For all the anxiety-ridden FAIL, there are small successes. Such as: I FINALLY FINISHED THE WEBSITE. If I could make these words leap off of your screen and transform into billboard-sized letters that blink in neon colors, I totally would. Because this is how strongly I feel about the fact that I FINALLY FINISHED THE WEBSITE. Maybe later this week I’ll tell you just how I did it, even. And no, contrary to popular belief, it did not involve magical cupcake-wielding unicorns.***
In the meantime, I’ve gotta get back to work. These invitations aren’t going to finish themselves.****
* If you guessed “this week,” you win! Step forward and claim your prize of this, um… (looking around) slightly used paper towel! And some sweater lint!
** That’s a big, fat, resounding ME.
*** But oh, how I wish it did.
**** But oh, how I wish they would.