NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. We just took our save-the-dates to the post office today and as a result, I feel like I’ve accomplished, like, everything on the face of the planet. I intend to ride this high for at least the next ten minutes or so, or until whenever I realize that the wedding itself isn’t actually over yet and I can’t just go back to lying on the couch with my laptop clicking random YouTube links.

So… I realize this is a little self-aggrandizing of me, but. I HAVE TO SHOW THEM TO YOU.* The STDs, I mean. Like, right this second. OMG! Squeeeeeeee.**

Okay okay okay. Okay! Here’s the first one. This is the magnet we had printed. We basically took a bottle of wine up to an overlook on the campus of Santa Barbara City College, and took a picture of it.*** Then, I photoshopped a new label on the bottle. Original? No. But that’s a good thing.

Now, as you are already well aware, the beau’s real name is not actually “Beau.” But in order to avoid making us more Googleable than we already are, I’ve decided to never use nor allude to his real name in this space. Hence, because I am batshit insane enormously dedicated, I have changed all the pertinent information in the images I’m showing you.

And with that out of the way, here’s the second one. We actually ended up with two save-the-dates due to a conflict between wholly separate design approaches. We’d fully intended to pick one design approach over the other, but we just couldn’t, because we are spineless, indecisive bastards. So we compromised by using one idea as the magnet, and the other as a paper insert to be tucked inside the envelope with the magnet. Bonus points: We avoided spending any additional money on the insert by utilizing our resources.****

Yes. We made some tator tots and a corn dog, put them on a plate, and then wrote our names and wedding date in ketchup. Vigilant citizens may recognize this as the tribute to Napoleon Dynamite that it is. Others may recognize it as just plain crazy. We recognized it as delicious, because, hello. TATOR TOTS.

Anyway. That’s it. There they are. Thank you for patiently suffering through my “LOOK WHAT WE DID” post. I promise to return to writing intelligent, analytical essays on cultural norms and social issues in the very near future.*****

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* YES, there are more than one, stop looking at me like that.

** Shut up, I am HIGH. Quit HARSHING.

*** Aside: The day we went up to SBCC to take this picture, there was a gaggle of bums hanging around the overlook who proceeded to make fun of our decidedly middle-class problem of how to appropriately photograph a bottle of wine outdoors. I think they just wanted us to hand over the booze.

**** Also known as the laser printer at work. Shhh.

***** I promise no such thing.