Like many who mostly eschew wedding tradition, I feel uncomfortable referring to the girls in our wedding party as “bridesmaids.” There’s such a servile connotation in that term. They are not going to be meekly following me around all day, delicately dabbing my face with Kleenex, fetching me drinks, helping me pee, holding my train. I’m not going to even have a train, unless we’re talking about a real locomotive, and in that case wouldn’t it rule to roll up and make the grand entrance to your ceremony by disembarking from a train? Or even get married on a train? *

Diversion alert: has anybody noticed the unintentionally hilarz connotation of the abbreviated form of “bridesmaid” that is frequently bandied about on the wedding boards and blogs? “BM.” My girls are not maids, and they are definitely not BMs.

Anyway. So if not bridesmaids, what are they then? I had to think long and hard about that one, but it finally came to me. The groom has a best man, right? These girls just so happen to be my best ladies. And so it follows, they will be known collectively as my “Best Lady Brigade.”

There. Now they don’t have to worry about waiting on me. They will just be themselves. Although I have to admit, I hope they will still bring me a drink every now and again… mama’s gonna need it.

* I suppose this is what people had to do before there were 24-hr Graceland-themed Vegas wedding chapels.